i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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