They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
