come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
