i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
