I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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