you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
