Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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