i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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