Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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