is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
