You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
