tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's paint friendship bongs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
