even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
