Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
