Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
