She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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