This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
