No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
