I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
