Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
