Cold hands, warm shart.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
