dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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