I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
