She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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