I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
