1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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