garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
