Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
