I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
