So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
