Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
COCAINE IS GR8
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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