I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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