i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
