i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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