the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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