No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
