problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
