he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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