Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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