M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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