Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I love you. Go after that dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
