How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
