i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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