Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
