Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
