My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
