Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who wears a wallet chain?!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
