Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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