piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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