so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
