The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
be right there i have to get my cape
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
