I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
